The Drunken Dancing Master

drunken-dancing-master

FROM DAYTON, Jan. 8, 1877

Being a constant reader of your paper, I see no one has taken note of our little village for some time. Permit me, therefore, to give you some items of interest.

Our improvements are plain. The paper mill of Williams & Co. is running in full and is in a flourishing condition, turning out about 24 tons of paper per week.

It is needless to say the Fox River Horse Collar Manufacturing Co. still carry on an extensive business. They are known far and wide. Nothing seems to daunt them, nor does their trade decrease. In spite of hard times they prosper.

The store formerly owned by John T. Makinson has been purchased by Jesse Green & Sons, who have enlarged the building and now have on hand a full line of groceries, woolen goods, &c.

Our inhabitants are a class of persevering, energetic people. Among them is a renowned ex-granger, to whom life on a farm becoming monotonous, he concluded to enter into something which would bring him more in contact with the people of the world. So he engaged in wholesale manufacturing pursuits, but becoming weary of the hum of machinery, retired from business and set himself down to think what he should do next. At length he exclaimed, “I have it!” I will do something for the people which will cause my name to be handed down to future generations with honor never to be forgotten.

‘Tis true, we have no churches, but we don’t need any – our people are good enough. They are noted for honesty, integrity, and warm genial disposition. Neither have we any saloons, nor do we need them – our people are temperate, and Ottawa is not far distant. But notwithstanding our people are good and temperate, they are deficient in good manners and gracefulness – cannot describe a proper circle in making a bow; in short, need a dancing master. Therefore he had one imported from the east, organized a dancing school – in fact, two dancing schools, one for juveniles at 4 P. M., another for adults at a later hour. Juvenile class assemble to meet their tutor dressed with all the care and taste their fond mothers could devise, their flashing eyes sparkling with anticipated pleasure, the bloom of health and innocence upon their cheeks. Their teacher arrives by the train, alights and walks up the railroad track describing a Virginia worm fence. Great consternation among his admirers. It was a stunner, a perfect surprise. Crowds could be seen on every corner with blanched cheeks and distended eyes, asking what shall we do? “Pickles!” shouts one. “Lemons!” cries another. “Yes, that’s business, give us lemons,” says a third. “Who cares for expenses. Here – you – somebody – hold him up on t’other side; feed him lemons; walk him two miles and a half!” A consultation was then held as to whether the school should continue, the gentlemen being in favor of a change of tutors, while the sentiments of the majority of the ladies seemed to be, “get drunk if you want to, boys, we’ll forgive you.” This is apparently a new style of crusaders.

Much more might be said upon the subject; but suffice it that the adult class proceeded to be instructed, and got through as well as could be expected under the trying circumstances, closing with an appointment for Thursday evening, Jan. 11.

A READER1


  1. The Ottawa [Illinois] Free Trader, January 13, 1877

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